Port Republic Light

Charlottesville may have a cheap beer shortage but there are a few things it has in abundance; students who think it’s the height of coolness to go to football games in shirts and ties and sundresses, Dave Matthews Band fans, smelly hipsters, pseudo bluegrass/country music listening to poseurs who’ve never driven anything manlier than a Prius and would scream if they saw an animal more dangerous than a sugar glider and a shit ton of grocery stores. In particular we have a glut of Kroger’s. There are literally 3 Krogers within a 3 mile radius of each other. Why am I telling you this? Because Kroger has recently made a foray into the world of cheap beer; Port Republic Light.

Port Republic immediately scores points with me as it comes in pints or 30 packs ala my favorite beer, Strohs. None of that sissy 12 or 24-pack nonsense. It was about $13 for a 30 pack which is a fairly good price especially for Schwagtown, USA aka Charlottesville.

It weighs in at only 3.9% alcohol which is I guess isn’t bad for a light beer whereas Port Republic heavy is 4.5% which is fairly respectable for a cheap beer. PRL pours out pretty pale but not as bad as say, Beer 30 or Natty Light. It has a lot of head for a light beer and while the taste is kind of thin, it’s not bad. A little bit of a bitter aftertaste but nothing overtly offensive, in fact it’s kind of pleasant going down and doesn’t have the watery taste that a lot of non-fancy man beers have. Overall, I’d say it’s a good keg beer that I’d serve to a keg party full of people I didn’t hate or a beer I’d drink while tubing down the river.

I’m going to give Port Republic Light a solid 3 Bundy Faces for taste. It goes down smooth and doesn't make you want to gargle with bleach to get the taste of it out of your mouth after you drink it so it’s a little above average in that department but it’s not something I’d go out of my way to get.

As far as the can goes, I do like the design but it’s nothing special. The logo is pretty cool but the slogan “Sail Close to the Wind” doesn’t really do it for me for whatever reason. I could also do without the First Rate above the logo which would just look better if it stood alone.

I can’t go any higher than 2.5 Kelly Bundy’s for can attractiveness. The logo is nice and I like the color of the can but that’s about it.

Big Flats

Today’s entry comes to us from the exotic land of Wal-Greens. I’m a fan of any beer that comes from high class establishments like Wal-Greens and 7-11. Big Flats pours out pretty nice and brown actually which I was surprised at. Normally any beer that you buy for $2.99 is gonna be lighter than an albino who’s been sitting in a basement for a month but Big Flats has a pretty nice taste. It’s kind of malty and doesn’t have a bad aftertaste. As you all know, I hate the terrible aftertaste that most cheap beers have so Big Flats’ slightly malty and clean aftertaste is a pleasant surprise. It also goes down fairly smoothly.

When it comes to the can, I’m a huge fan of the Big Flats design. The water wheel is unique and being a beer brewer myself, I like the slogan “It’s the water that makes it” because that’s the truth. Good water means you’re gonna have good beer. Shit water means you’re gonna be drinking something that tastes like armpit sweat ala High Life or Corona.

To sum things up, I’m going to give Big Flats 3.5 Bundy Heads on taste. It goes down smooth and for $2.99, the price is right. It’s not super tasty or anything but I will say it’s enjoyable. For a lager it tastes pretty light. Basically if you’re one of those people who only drinks Salty Dog Flying Fish Summer Peanut Terrapin ale or whatever, you probably won’t like it but if you’re someone who enjoys a smooth beer for a cheap price, you’ll like Big Flats.

I’m gonna give Big Flats 4 Kelly Bundy’s for can attractiveness. I’m a huge fan of the water wheel design and like I said before, I like the slogan on the can. I'm also intrigued by the 1901 date on the can. I'm fairly certain that people weren't drinking Big Flats beer in 1901 but it's pretty awesome that they pretend that people were anyway. Here's to you Norman Rockefeller and Jack Johnson. That would be Jack Johnson the awesome black boxer from the early 1900's and not the whiny folk guitarist lame-o.

All in all, if it’s a late night and you have three bucks to spare in Wal-Greens, I’d say forgo that can of Pringles or Dinty More beef stew and pick up a 6 pack of Big Flats.

Beer 30 Light

Tonight I'm writing about Beer 30 Light at the request of my good friend Brett, seen below with his girlfriend Carlee dressed as cave people and pummeling me with clubs. I sort of felt like someone pummeled me in the stomach after drinking Beer 30 Light.

Now you all know I'm not a beer snob. Just the fact that I write a blog about cheap beer and once drank 24 beers that were likely more chemical run-off from a Chinese coal plant than actual beer should tell you that. However, I'm not a fan of Beer 30. It has a slight caramel flavor which tastes kind of like someone put a half melted Rollo in a Coors Light. Now, like Communism, this sounds like a good idea in theory but in this case, the Rollo was sitting in a fat guy's back pocket for two days and the Coors Light was sitting open for a week in a fridge that was on its warmest setting. That being said, the initial taste lasts for about a second and then...nothing. It basically tastes like water and there's a slightly metallic aftertaste. It costs about $3.99 a 6 pack (it used to be cheaper) and it's 4% alcohol so I guess it's got that going for it.

As far as the can goes, I'm pretty meh about it. I guess the name is supposed to be some sort of clever play on, "it's always 5pm somewhere" or "it's Beer O'Clock". Pretty cutesy...and lame. Kind of reminds me of this exchange from Fight Club:

Narrator: Tyler, you are by far the most interesting single-serving friend I've ever met... see I have this thing: everything on a plane is single-serving...
Tyler Durden: Oh I get it, it's very clever.
Narrator: Thank you.
Tyler Durden: How's that working out for you?
Narrator: What?
Tyler Durden: Being clever.
Narrator: Great.
Tyler Durden: Keep it up then... Right up.

There isn't anything inspiring about the rest of the can. Just a generic logo with some mountains in the background. This beer was brewed in Cincinnati, OH so I have no clue why there are mountains on the can. If they really wanted to capture the essence of Cincinnati they should've had the silhouette of a Bengals player in handcuffs or Marge Schott goose stepping and giving a Sieg Heil.

In summation, Beer 30 Light isn't an overly offensive tasting beer, but I can't even call it mediocre. I'm going with 1.5 Bundy Faces.








The can sucks so much it doesn't even rate a Kelly Bundy. This one gets a bathrobed Marcy D'Arcy and it's lucky to get that











Spend your $3.99 on a bunch of Big League Chew or see if your local Best Buy has The Garbage Pail Kids movie or one of the Police Academy sequels on special instead of buying Beer 30 Light. You'll be happier.